As families prepare to remember loved ones during All Saints’ and All Souls’ Day, conversations about death can feel especially close to home. For Riva “River” Galveztan, however, preparing for death is not simply about what happens at the end. It is also about learning to live more intentionally, and easing the burden on those we leave behind.
River is the founder of Joyful Grieving Memorials, a memorial coordination service that helps bereaved families navigate the many decisions that follow a loved one’s death. Since 2019, she has coordinated numerous memorials and has seen firsthand how difficult it can be for families to make important decisions while grieving.
Inspired in part by her mother’s near-death experience with COVID-19 in 2021, River developed a pre-departure program that encourages families to discuss practical, financial, emotional, and personal matters before a crisis occurs. She also conducts workshops and is the author of Building A Lasting Legacy Before Your Inevitable Flight.
Her philosophy is simple: the more intentionally we prepare while we are alive, the less our loved ones have to carry when we are gone.
Q1: What does a memorial coordinator bring to a family that they may not realize they need?
A: A memorial coordinator helps a family discern what is truly necessary, what is optional, and what matters most to them.
When a loved one dies, families are often dealing with grief while having to make many decisions at the same time. My role is to help them navigate those decisions, anticipate possible concerns, and identify issues that can be addressed early rather than become problems later.
The depth and breadth of the experience also matter. After handling numerous memorials, it’s easier to recognize situations that a bereaved family may be encountering for the first time. That allows me to guide them through the process, step by step.
Q2: Why might a family choose to work with a memorial coordinator rather than handle everything themselves?
A: Losing a loved one can make even simple decisions feel overwhelming. Having someone who can help organize the details allows the family to focus more on grieving, mourning, and being with one another.
My clients have told me that having someone to coordinate the arrangements is a huge relief because they didn’t have to figure everything out through trial and error.
For me, the most meaningful feedback is when a family says, “Thank you for easing our burden.”
Q3: Where do families most commonly spend more than they intended?
A: Often, it happens when people are making decisions while they are still in shock.
When someone is grieving and overwhelmed, it can be difficult to pause and ask, “Do we really need this?” Sometimes the easiest response is simply to say yes because the family wants to “get things over and done with”, especially when there’s so much pressure to immediately decide.
I provide families with reasonable options and help them understand what they are actually paying for and what is valuable to them.
For example, cremation costs can vary significantly depending on the provider, location, package, facilities, and services included. Families don’t necessarily have to choose the most expensive option for the memorial to be meaningful.
The important thing is to understand the choices and the consequences of each choice before making a decision.
Q4: What happens when family members disagree about the deceased’s wishes, or when there were no clear instructions?
A: Honestly, I ask God for wisdom.
I pray for each family member to approach the conversation with humility and the willingness to understand one another. At the same time, my role is to facilitate the discussion and help the family look at the situation from different perspectives.
I usually ask: Based on how you knew the deceased, what do you think they really wanted? What is realistically possible given the family’s circumstances and limitations?
There’s no perfect solution. But a healthy conversation can help the family arrive at a decision they can live with together.
Q5: If something goes wrong on the day of the memorial, what do you handle so the family doesn’t have to?
A: Whatever can reasonably be handled without adding another burden to the bereaved family.
For example, if a supplier suddenly becomes unavailable, I work on finding a replacement. There are alternatives for everything that’s needed.
Small problems can feel very big when the bereaved family is already exhausted. The goal is to handle what can be handled behind the scenes so the family can remain focused on what matters most.
Q6: What is the one thing you wish families would do before they ever need your services?
A: Talk about their wishes while they are still able to do so.
Be clear about what is important to you—your preferences, your nice-to-haves, your non-negotiables, and especially your budget.
Most people don’t intentionally have these conversations because talking about death often feels uncomfortable, awkward, and morbid. But the lack of clarity can create unnecessary tension among the people left behind.
That is why I encourage families to consider preparing before a crisis occurs. The more specific decisions you make while you are alive, the lighter the load can be for the people you leave behind.
I believe preparing for one’s earthly end should be a lifestyle, not something to be crammed in when it’s too late. As J.I. Packer put it, “Readiness to die is the first step in learning to live.”
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Josiah Go is the chair and chief innovation strategist of Mansmith and Fielders Inc.
